Guilt

Why do I feel I have to justify my time spent on myself?
In an effort to be a happier and better balanced Mama I'm trying to make more of an effort to do the things that used to bring me comfort and pleasure... but it's hard to justify sitting at the computer talking to yourself, about yourself, when there is so much else to be done.

Today has been one of those pretty hectic days....
drop Rose at the childminder, pick up groceries and run errands, call with a neighbour who needs some help at the minute, washing away, groceries away, paperwork, phonecalls, tax credits to sort out.... Despite the fact that I have been busy from 8am this morning through until 4pm I still feel like I've achived very little, and no matter how much you do it seems as if there's always more to be done.

Sometimes I feel like I need a pressure valve at the back of my neck to let off steam!! After a very busy day I'm looking forward to giving my girl a cuddle when she comes through the door, but I just wish I could guarantee a peaceful family evening instead of frustration and impatience. The worst part of it is that I realise how irrational my feelings are at the moment, but feel helpless to stop them.

Yes... Rose is going to say NO a million times between getting home and going to sleep, but it's a phase!! She's just figuring out her own will and really, I'm very blessed to have such an intelligent, determined girl.... it just gets wearing sometimes. I want to always be ready with kisses and cuddles. I want a family full of fun and laughter.. I just don't know how to get there when I feel so exhausted all the time.

On the plus side, we're having stir fry tonight.... Oh how it makes me laugh to watch my girl with her noodles :) One of life's little pleasures that i have to remember to count!!

So in the interests of good mental health ;) here's my blessing list for the day

I am blessed: to have the resources and knowledge to feed my family well; to have a safe family home where we can eat and share together and know we are safe; to have a beautiful, healthy, funny daughter; to have hot water so we can share a splashy bath together; to have access to wonderful stories to share with my girl; to have heat, and light, and comfort in our home.

I am blessed that my daughter falls asleep everynight with her mama or daddy beside her, and as a result she knows beyond doubt how loved and precious she is. I am blessed to have access to information to support my views, and a family who support me in what i believe in - even if they think it's a bit kooky!

I am blessed that once my daughter is sleeping, I have a husband who loves me, and cares for our family, and to be able to go and cuddle on the sofa and get my feet rubbed might not feel like much, but those are the moments that glue us together.

I am blessed to have good friends, so that tomorrow we will have lots of fun and laughter

I'll be even more blessed if I get off my butt now and make the most of the last hour before Rose gets home from the childminders, so that I can bless us all with a clean home!! Timer at the ready.... it's time for Home Blessing Hour.